New York Rangers: Clearly the silliest article all summer

Trying to find interesting things to write about the New  York Rangers in the middle of August can be a challenge.

Rosters are not set so it’s a wee bit early to start previewing the competition.  We’ve done 3,547 articles about Chris Kreider‘s contractual situation.  That’s only exceeded by the 4,538 articles about Artemi Panarin (did you know he is the leading active career shootout  scorer in the NHL?).  Another story about the New York Rangers salary cap issues will result in mass nausea.  

Let’s put it this way, the most recent article on the Rangers own website was dated ten days ago and was a thrilling description of the 13 games that will feature the Rangers on NBC Sports.  Face it, with the hockey season in full swing from September through July, everyone involved in the sport is on vacation in August.   

So, let’s consider this a scraping the bottom of the barrel, a look at the names of past New York Rangers in a “punny” way.  I apologize in advance.

Colors

While the Rangers’ history has been colorful, it hasn’t been color full.  Only two players named Green have ever played for the Blueshirts and in a twist of bizarre timing, both Josh and Mike were on the team at the same time in 2003-04.   Alex Gray played in 1927-28, but at 28  years old was anything but.    Todd White was a center in 2010, but was preceded by Sherman White in the forties.   Clearly, the favorite Ranger color is Brown, as bestowed on Arnie, Brad, Larry. Harold and Stan. The one color that has never appeared in a Ranger uniform is  blue.  In fact, only one NHL player has ever appeared with that name.  John Blue was a goalie with Boston and Buffalo in the early 90’s and we can only regret that Neal Smith didn’t try to acquire him so he could play one game as a Blueshirt.

As far as first names, there was Red Berenson and Red Sullivan.  I supposed you could include Wade Red-den, Bill Gold-sworthy and Dan Black-burn to fill out the color palette.  And is it a stretch to include Neal Pionk?

Dining

There haven’t been a lot of food options when it comes to the Rangers.  Bun Cook has to fit somewhere in the list.  For breakfast, it’s eggs, but you would have to make sure that they were Frank Beat-on.  Of course you could also Dan or Brian Boyle them.  If you wanted a five course meal, you would start with a soup made from PJ Stock with some Jacque Plante-s.  For a little zest, we could add some Jari Kurri.  Follow that with a fish course of Alf Pike with a Bob Dill sauce.  Of course, a hockey player would still be hungry so feed him some Jimmy Franks and Steve Rice.   To drink?  What else but Par Djoos. For dessert, let’s be creative and serve Jeff Taffe served ice cold by Bob Froese.    Of course, when all done, it’s time to sit back and light a Zdeno Ciger.

Jobs

Ah, a cornucopia of names in this category.  Who worked on that fine menu in the previous section?  Bill Baker  and the aforemention Bun Cook.  The ingredients were provided by Kevin Hatcher, Dunc Fisher and Cal Gardner.

Working in the circus came naturally to Chris Tamer and Wes Trainor.   Of  course, Wes also worked in a health club along with Gordie Walker with the impetus provided by Jamie Pushor.

Craftsmen are well represented by Bob Carpenter, Hal and Joe Cooper, Charlie Mason, a plethora of Millers, a number of Taylors and finally, Corey Potter.

There is royalty in the Rangers family with Kris and Steven King whose Russ Court-nall included Chad Wiseman , Jerry Butler and his personal Bruce Driver.

The animal kingdom

It’s a small kingdom, represented by Jamie Ram and John Ross Roach (is a roach an animal?).   We’ll go the first name route to find Andre Moose Dupont.  Lucky for them that the Rangers didn’t sign Will Butcher, though they did have a Frank Boucher.

So ends this foray into Ranger names.  I am sure I missed a few and feel free to contribute in the comments.   And if you got this far, thanks for reading!