New York Rangers: Being Igor Shesterkin

The New York Rangers rolled out the heir apparent last night at Madison Square Garden.  Twenty-four year old goalie Igor Sheterkin made his NHL debut on national television against the Colorado Avalanche.  NBCSN took advantage of the situation and mic-ed up the young Russian for the game….but forgot he spoke Russian.

Everything about this is a complete fabrication….please relax.

It wasn’t until the national anthem ended when someone in the NBCSN sport truck realized that putting a hot mic on Rangers goalie Igor Shesterkin for his NHL debut may have been a mistake.

Once the Star Spangled Banner had finished the producer in charge looked to his audio guys and said, “What did he just say, can we clear up his mic feed please?”  It was then that reality hit.  The kid speaks Russian and this wasn’t going to work unless they had someone available for an instant translation.

Luckily NBC Sports continued to record Shesterkin and put out a translation of his live game comments earlier today. What follows is a brief recap of the highlights. It is best read in your finest Russian accent.

Warm-ups

“Am I out here by myself? Where the hell is everyone….this is almost embarrassing.”

“Good crowd here, where’s mom sitting.”

Artemi Panarin skates by, speaks in native Russian.

Panarin: “You wet yourself yet Iggy.”

“I can’t find my mom.”

Chris Kreider approaches the net, speaks in his brand of Russian.

Kreider: “See all the ladies in the crowd Igor, they are here for you”

“My wife is sitting with my mom, I can’t find them”.

Kreider: “Wait, you’re married, you can’t be my new wing man?”

Warm-ups continue until Henrik Lundqvist takes his turn in net.

Lundqvist (English): “How you feeling Igor, you enjoying this”?

Shesterkin replies in broken English.

“Yes sir, very much sir.”

Lundqvist: “Super, take a short break…fix your hair.”

Pre Game

National anthem starts.

Oh say can you see……

“Breathe, just breathe…..good singer”

….and the home of the brave….

“I never really listened to that song before, not a bad tune.”

Jacob Trouba skates up to Shesterkin.

Trouba: “Let’s go, let’s go…ready Iggy…don’t (censored) yourself.”

Shesterkin, barely audible. “I’m a little scared.”

Game On

For best experience you should watch the condensed version of the game on the NHL.com while reading.

Referee ready to drop puck at center ice.

“Really good crowd….be cool Igor….settle down”

After making a long saucer pass to half ice.

“That was pretty cool, sounds like the crowd has never seen a goalie make a pass before.  I really could have gotten an assist right there.”

Barely audible from the bench.

Voice: “Who do you think you are Mike Smith?” May have been Lundqvist.

“Gotta look up this Mike Smith guy….must be a goalie somewhere…wonder if he’s good.”

Minutes later.

“Move him, move him…..I got this…..Yept!”

“Lucky bounce, don’t sweat it…fast game up here…gotta be quick, quicken the pace.”

On air Pierre McGuire just finished saying “Good play by Adam Fox he’s a good player.”

“Hold on who’s this….who’s this….nyet…is that behind me?….awwwwwe.”

“Who was that guy…McKin…what? He’s pretty good.”

“Two goals in under seven minutes Igor….you could wind up in Siberia after this…speaking of which I haven’t seen ice this crappy since that game in Yakutsk.”

Looking over at the bench.

“Is Hanks putting his helmet on?  Am I coming out already? It’s just two goals..not my fault either one….oh thank God he’s just fixing his hair….nice hair though…wonder if he conditions….of course he conditions….focus Igor, one more and Mr. Lundqvist WILL be putting his helmet on.”

A delayed penalty is called on Colorado.

Shouts from the bench: “Come on Iggy, bench, bench now.”

Shesterkin skates hard and fast to the bench.

Lundqvist: “You’re pretty fast Igor”

“I’m 24 years old sir.”

Lundqvist: “Are you cracking wise kid?”

Shesterkin in broken English: “No sir, I got go back now.” He skates away speaking in Russian.

“Wish that Czech kid would have scored right there…Chi-tell, Chi-teal, something….good player though.”

Rangers goal.

“Niiiiiice, that big guy who speaks Russian right, sweet deflection? Good job comrade.”

“Eleven minutes to go, let’s just keep it together for eleven more minutes and then you can throw up Igor….eleven minutes…no goals…breathe.”

“Power play for them….not good…I remember someone said they were really good at this.”

“Left, left, left…there’s a guy on my left.”(grunts)

“Wow was he open….good save though…didn’t even think about it….hmmm, am I forgetting where I am and just playing…..that would be good…still haven’t seen Mom…where is she?”

Ranger tie the game.

“Hey, look at that….the other guys with a really weird name…..I like him though, he’s been very nice to me….Mika…I had a cousin Mishca….I think we will be friends.”

End of First period. Shesterkin is skating off the ice.

Tony DeAngelo: “Welcome to the show Iggy, this is pretty much how it goes….you feeling alright.”

Shesterkin in broken English, “I no throw-up now, good job Tony D, we win this game no?”

DeAngelo: “You bet you’re sweet (censored) we are gonna win this game Iggy.”

Second Period

“Ok, OK, good save, right back into the rhythm….let’s go.”

“And now another penalty….what in the world was that for…interference….I don’t think the referees like my team”

“Go, go, go, my Z friend…….nice pass…..ugh, what was that….another strange name…Sky, Shy, something….he should have scored there.  Really like Z, he plays hard.”

“Killed another penalty, that didn’t seem all that hard…feeling pretty good…wonder if Mom has stopped worrying…..where is she?”

“OK mister Sky, good shot…forget the missed one earlier…..are we winning….we are winning….I may have to throw-up again.”

Minutes later.

“Eighteen, eighteen, where are you going? Not good….nope….(grunts)….RATS.”

“What the heck was that?”

Tony DeAngelo: “He’s old”

“Like Politburo old.”

Two minutes later.

“YEAH! Beauty….was that a set play? Seemed like it was a set play. Win faces-offs boys, I’ve been taught that since I was five. Great hard low shot from Artemi. Russians are the best. Well, he’s the best….amazing to watch really. How are these guys only a five-hundred team?”

“No more Igor…that’s it…these guys have worked really hard for you tonight.  You gotta make it stand-up.  Find the puck…quick glove…let’s go.”

Third Period

Five minutes in.

“Eighteen, eighteen behind you….behind you….(grunts, makes save) EIGHTEEN…c’mon…killing me.”

“Another penalty….yikes…no biggie…focus…be tough…”

“Nicely done….good work boys….halfway through the period….keep working.”

“Wow these guys are working hard.  Artemi is the best, he just seem to do whatever he wants with the puck.”

Trouba skates over.

Trouba: “Buckle-up Iggy, these guys are going to come hard. Be ready.”

“You guys are easy to play behind.  Very tough. This is starting to be fun.”

Trouba skates away, Shesterkin cleans his crease.

“Why did he just look at me like I was crazy.”

Minutes later, DeAngelo skates over.

DeAngelo: “Great job Iggy, keeping us in this big guy….wish I could beat the hell out of that Kadri guy but it will have to wait…team first, right Iggy.”

Mika Zibanejad skates over.

Zibanejad: “Igor listen, when they pull the goalie coming up here don’t panic, just stay focused and do what you are doing.  We are going to win this for you Iggy…know that….be tough”

“I really Mika Z, he is a good man”

Artemi Panarin scores to seal the victory.  The mic picks up no sound but the heavy breathing of Shesterkin.  The game ends. Jacob Trouba is the first to congratulate him.

Trouba: “Iggy, Iggy, way to go, way to go, big win, big win baby.”

The team lines up to congratulate Igor Shesterkin on his first NHL victory. He seems barely able to speak. He is congratulated in his native Russian language by Pavel Buchnevich, Chris Kreider and Artemi Panarin.  Henrik Lundqvist is the last Ranger to greet him.

Lundqvist: “Welcome to the club kid, you did good. You’re mother will be so proud.”

Shesterkin, barely audible, looking up into he stands.

“Mom”