Winners and losers in the NHL shutdown

Winners: Teams

The Los Angeles Kings, San Jose Sharks, Ottawa Senators, and Buffalo Sabres can consider this work stoppage the implementation of a slaughter rule, or in the case of the once-mighty Detroit Red Wings (17-49-5, 39 points and a goal differential of -122), a mercy killing. Somebody needed to smother their season with a pillow, One-Flew-Over-the Cuckoo’s-Nest style.

Oh, sorry. Uh…spoiler alert.

Winners: Players

Chris Kreider – His foot can stop feeling guilty for cracking under pressure, as the injury did not have a disastrous effect on the Ranger’s season.

Brendan Lemieux – His face and wallet both get a chance to heal. He might actually save money by not playing the rest of the games and incurring any more fines.

Brendan Smith – Maybe he likes flip-flopping between positions, but I’m going to list him as a winner because he no longer has to pretend to be a first-pair defenseman.

On a side note, if teams can retire a jersey, can they also retire a name? How about we put a moratorium on signing anybody named Brendan? We can revisit the issue in, oh…ten years. Maybe twenty.

Henrik Lundqvist – I debated where to put Hank. On the one hand, he doesn’t have to endure the ravages of the three-headed goalie monster, nor being thrust into games rusty and without the defensive effort other net-minders seemed to receive. But this situation might have increased the odds he never plays another game in the NHL. And that would be a shame.

Beyond sports

Obviously, and seriously, nearly everybody’s a loser in the current pandemic.

More than well-paid athletes, the workers at arenas depend on games and concerts for income. And people have always counted on sports to take their minds off bad times, such as New Orleans cheering for the Saints after Hurricane Katrina and New York after 9-11. Who can forget those first home Mets and Yankees games? Now, as a nation, as a world, we don’t even have that distraction except for discussion forums like this one and re-watching the Rangers’ Road to Victory DVD.

So, stay safe and use this time productively. And yes, for those who normally work long, hard days, binge-watching Netflix and extensive napping qualifies.