As the NHL Entry Draft inches every closer, let’s listen in on a(n imagined) phone call with New York Rangers’ President John Davidson
“Hello?”
“Brett, how’s it going?”
“John Davidson! J.D.! J.D. Salinger! John Dillinger!”
“I…”
“Johnny Dangerously!”
“Brett!”
“Sorry. What’s up?”
“I wanted to run something past you, see what you thought. I’ve come up with a promotional giveaway for next season’s home opener. A treat for the fans.”
“Sounds great. What is it?”
“An Igor Shesterkin bubblehead.”
“I…what? You mean a bobblehead?”
“No, a bubblehead. Because of the…you know. The virus, games being played in the bubble. He’ll have a little Rangers covid face mask on inside of an astronaut’s helmet. What? You’re not saying anything.”
“John, you don’t think it’s maybe…too soon…for something like that?”
“Yeah. You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking! The marketing people already threw a fit when I pitched the Artemi Panarin Panini Press. Look, I’m just trying to take my mind off the draft. I’m getting a lot of pressure, which is nothing new in this town. But even you guys at Blue Line Station have been grillin’ my onions something fierce for the last month. Draft Alexis Lafreniere! No, draft Quinton Byfield! No, explore trade options for the pick! It’s a minefield and I just know I’m going to misstep. What am I going to do?”
“Well, since you asked…”
“Oh, you have an opinion, too, huh Brett? What a surprise. I guess I should listen, you were the one who said all along the Rangers should go after Panarin. But…you were also the person who told me we could solve our defensive problems by calling up Huska, Wall, and Lindbom to put an all-goalie line on the ice.”
“Yeah, but in my defense, I was very drunk that night. Very, very drunk. Like David Wells-perfect game drunk.”
“You were saying…?”
“Oh! Yeah. There’s only one thing you can do. Only one thing you should do. Draft Lafreniere.”
“Why? How can I know that’s the right thing to do?”
“You can’t. There’s no way to know if he gets a ticket straight to Toronto for the Hall of Fame, or if he’s Dylan McIlrath 2.0. But there’s only one thing you can do that you will be able to defend no matter what happens. Take the player that everyone is calling ‘generational’. If he doesn’t live up to the hype, it’s Lafreniere’s fault. Not yours.”
“Fans won’t see it that way.”
“J.D., last year everyone raved about Kaapo Kakko and Jack Hughes. They didn’t have sensational rookie years but nobody’s giving New York or New Jersey grief over picking them. Well, nobody rational, at any rate. It was the right thing to draft them.”
“I won’t get blamed if Lafreniere’s a bust?”
“John, John. They’re Rangers fans. Of course, they’ll blame you. But real hockey people will know you did what you had to do.”
“Okay, Brett. I’ll think about it. Thank you.”
“No problem. Now, how can I get my hands on a Panarin Panini Press?”