Nine in the Barn: Rangers Humiliate Isles in Cookie Night Blowout

That was fun. It can be a bit maddening when you zoom out and realize how pointless it all is now, but at the moment, it was pure, unapologetic fun. Nine goals in their building at UBS Arena for a cookie night, a 9-2 Thursday night romp, and the New York Rangers' first 4–0 season sweep of the New York Islanders since 2004.

Sure, it's probably too little, too late, but it feels good heading into the summer next week, knowing we dropped nine in their barn. This game didn't fix the mess that has been the other 78, but at least there was one last night for the fans and players to talk and brag about. The Blueshirts came into this one after losing three straight and were outscored 17–6, appearing to be waiting for tee times. It's been a lifeless, confusing, embarrassing season. Maybe tonight's motivation was pride. Perhaps it was a rivalry. Maybe they just got sick of being crushed. The Rangers suddenly played like they cared, raising the question: Where was this version all season?

The Will Cuylle–J.T. Miller –Mika Zibanejad line set the tone early. Less than four minutes in, all three touched the puck on a slick rush that ended with Mika burying his 18th. A few minutes later, Cuylle crashed the net for a rebound goal—his 19th —and it was 2–0. Two goals in ten minutes, and the same line had a hand in both. Miller looked completely in rhythm, Cuylle showed why he won the Extra Effort award, and Mika notched his sixth point in his last two tilts.

It also helps when your power play shows up. Vincent Trocheck scored on a spinning shot in front to make it 3–0—just the third man-advantage marker in the last 14 games, and it felt like a miracle. Then, with under a minute left in the first, Artemi Panarin scored his 36th off the rush to make it 4–0 through the opening period.

Then came Juuso Pärssinen, sitting in the press box since the trade deadline. He scored his first goal as a Ranger in the second, but that doesn't erase the question of why he was in the lineup over Gabe Perreault or Brennan Othmann. Even the breadman himself said they should be in the lineup closing out the season.

The season's toast—let the kids get a taste of the rivalry. The logic's just not there. Yet, shoutout to Juuso for making Laviolette look like a genius for five minutes. Hockey is chaos. The third was a parade. Brett Berard scored twice—including one off a slick spin pass from Matt Rempe.

Then Alexis Lafrenière embarrassed Ryan Pulock and sniped the top shelf to make it 8–2. Finally, Panarin added his 37th, slipping one in from along the boards.

The Isles even yanked Hogberg, gave Tristan Lennox his NHL debut for all of four minutes, and then put Hogberg back in. Preseason vibes. Amid the barrage, Igor Shesterkin was phenomenal between the pipes for the Blueshirts. He stopped 45 of 47, including a flurry in the second and third when the Isles made a push. His 2.19 goals saved above expected was the stuff of fantasy hockey legend. (And yes, I needed all those as I attempted to close out a historic 24-0 fantasy season in a 10-man league. Thanks CZAR.)

The Rangers are still most likely missing the playoffs, becoming the fourth team to do that after winning the Presidents Trophy a year prior. The lineup decisions are still questionable. The frustration still lingers. Yet it were the Islanders in their building. Even Anders Lee said postgame the loss hurt more because it were their neighbors. It's something you remember, even when everything else has gone sideways. If you're gonna go down swinging, might as well drop nine on the Fishsticks on the way out the door.